i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize