my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
