Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
