no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
