i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
How many fucks given?
0.12846
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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