PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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