I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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