sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
