shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
that is very illegal...i love you.
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