Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
