Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
