Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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