Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize