I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
