i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
