U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
