youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize