i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
