Yo dont text me then not text me
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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