I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
