It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Randomize
