Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
