So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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