It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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