I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize