Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
