I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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