I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
the day after is always just damage control
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
