But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
