she kept yelling 'call me bella'
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
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