And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
