wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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