She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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