I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
