doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
