Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
