I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
