cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
soo... how was my night?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
