thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
