I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Can Purell be used as lube?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Randomize
