all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
