Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
