NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
