this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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