Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
We need to rekindle our bromance
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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