I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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