Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize