billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
