just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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