The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
