Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
