I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
