I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
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