our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
pop tarts are not kleenex
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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