Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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