Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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