Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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