Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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