either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
dude. I can hear the air.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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