I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You're like the curious george of whores
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
