I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
