When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
