im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
