You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
