yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize