Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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