its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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