i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
