When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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