So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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