i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
