I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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