Pappa wants mamma naked
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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