So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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