evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
