"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
