Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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