Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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