You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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