I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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