So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
