yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
barbara walters just said penis...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
