She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
