Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
