Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
