I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
