Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
