Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize