I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
