There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
