But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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