He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
