Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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