He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
