i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
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