final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
