your parents love me but you hate me
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize