no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
