What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
