You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
