every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
