It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
