And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
