Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
