Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
