I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
