he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
