I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
