My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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