you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
