I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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