Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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