I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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